Saturday, February 9, 2008

Describe a serious environmental problem that exists in your home country today and explain how there could be an engineering solution to it ?

Since the war was finished, the development of economics of Vietnam has increased without tending to stop. However , the more economics expands , the more environmental problems appear. They are air pollution, water pollution etc. In this paragraph, this writer wants to describe the air pollution, which is one of the gravest problem Vietnam’s government have faced for over 20 years, as well as explain an engineering solution. Actually, there is a rapid rise in the population of my country, so that the enormous increasing numbers of means of transportation and industrial zones were predicted is easy to understand. One example of increasing numbers of industrial zones in Vietnam is that in 2007 Ho Chi Minh, the biggest city in Vietnam, had two more districts in the suburbs which leads to the appearances of many industrial zones. Another instance for the rapid rise in vehicles is, according to Mr Nguyen .D.H. (2006), environmental researcher, approximately 200,000 tons of petrol fuel and 190,000 tons of diesel are consumed each year. They are definitely impressive numbers which prove a fast economics development as well as a serious pollution in Vietnam. As an engineer in the future, the writer thinks that there is one possible engineering solution for such horrible problem. That is the method of producing filters for elimination pipes of factories and means of transport.

4 comments:

Brad Blackstone said...

This is a detailed paragraph but it has a number of problems. For one, it's better for you as the writer to remain rather invisible. Avoid phrases such as:

"In this paragraph, this writer wants to describe the air pollution, which is...."

"As an engineer in the future, the writer thinks that...."

Also, language use and fluency is a problem. One exasmple is the sentence "One example of increasing numbers of industrial zones in Vietnam is that in 2007 Ho Chi Minh, the biggest city in Vietnam, had two more districts in the suburbs which leads to the appearances of many industrial zones." What leads to the appearance of industrial zones, really?

Thanks for your effort, Minh.

Brad Blackstone said...

Good....

Brad Blackstone said...

This is a detailed paragraph but it has a number of problems. For one, it's better for you as the writer to remain rather invisible. Avoid phrases such as:

"In this paragraph, this writer wants to describe the air pollution, which is...."

"As an engineer in the future, the writer thinks that...."

Also, language use and fluency is a problem. One exasmple is the sentence "One example of increasing numbers of industrial zones in Vietnam is that in 2007 Ho Chi Minh, the biggest city in Vietnam, had two more districts in the suburbs which leads to the appearances of many industrial zones." What leads to the appearance of industrial zones, really?

Thanks for your effort, Minh.

KHIEM said...

I am impressed by your nice post. It is really insightful though you still got some grammatical errors.